I Miss My Lolo

Yesterday was my Lolo Turing’s birthdate. He’s now in peace with the Lord for ten months, but RSPC reminded me of him.

Back in grade six, we are having a financial crisis. My Dad had only gotten to Qatar and at that time, he doesn’t have a permanent job, so he can’t send us money yet. So, the chances of joining RSPC was low because I don’t have any dime to spend.

Luckily, Lolo was close to a lot of people since he’s a Barangay Leader at that time. He solicited money for me so that I can join the RSPC. But I lost focus at that time because of something I can’t quite remember right now. All I know is that, I failed there and I was disappointed with myself.

My Lolo had helped me earn money, and I didn’t even get a single place :/

Last night, I remembered him, and my emotions took over that I sort of cried. I felt bad because I remembered how sad I was when he died and recounted all the things he did for me and my Mom and my brothers. And I just can’t help but think, “Shit, why am I only thinking about this now?”

Tonight, I feel particularly down because I am afraid of the results tomorrow. I wanted to win this for him. For the last time in my life, even if he’s already gone, I wanted to set things right, and I hope I do.

I know he’s out there guiding me, and I just miss him–even his grumpy attitude. I wish I can remember my Lolo vividly from when he was still not having an alzheimer’s disease. I wish I had been closer to him and helped him when he’s suffering through that.

But of course, those are just wishes, and I can’t turn back time. Still, I wanted to achieve this thing for him. I wish I’ll do. I wish.

Jashrawr

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About Jashrawr

Jolog, adorkable, defying gravity ♥
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