Yesterday was my Lolo Turing’s birthdate. He’s now in peace with the Lord for ten months, but RSPC reminded me of him.
Back in grade six, we are having a financial crisis. My Dad had only gotten to Qatar and at that time, he doesn’t have a permanent job, so he can’t send us money yet. So, the chances of joining RSPC was low because I don’t have any dime to spend.
Luckily, Lolo was close to a lot of people since he’s a Barangay Leader at that time. He solicited money for me so that I can join the RSPC. But I lost focus at that time because of something I can’t quite remember right now. All I know is that, I failed there and I was disappointed with myself.
My Lolo had helped me earn money, and I didn’t even get a single place :/
Last night, I remembered him, and my emotions took over that I sort of cried. I felt bad because I remembered how sad I was when he died and recounted all the things he did for me and my Mom and my brothers. And I just can’t help but think, “Shit, why am I only thinking about this now?”
Tonight, I feel particularly down because I am afraid of the results tomorrow. I wanted to win this for him. For the last time in my life, even if he’s already gone, I wanted to set things right, and I hope I do.
I know he’s out there guiding me, and I just miss him–even his grumpy attitude. I wish I can remember my Lolo vividly from when he was still not having an alzheimer’s disease. I wish I had been closer to him and helped him when he’s suffering through that.
But of course, those are just wishes, and I can’t turn back time. Still, I wanted to achieve this thing for him. I wish I’ll do. I wish.